Friends- Love'em, but Hate'm.
August 2nd 2007 20:05
Everyone has their friends; best friends, new friends, old friends, honest friends, blogger friends. Most people have been through a lot of things with their friends.
What have you been through with your friend? Share your experiences. Don't be afraid to open up! Some stories may be posted here unless requested otherwise.
Life Stuff said...
I've been thinking about an old friend lately and I suppose I'll share. About 9 or 10 years ago I became involved in a couple online support groups for (mostly) troubled/mentally ill teens. While the membership was ever-changing, there were about 50 of us that were constant. There were meet-ups (before actual meet-ups) in places across the country. The one I attended was in CA.
Anyway. There was a man on one of the main websites that a close friend of mine dated, and then hurt very badly in the end. I became very close to him (online, we never ended up meeting). There is a horribly long and drawn-out story that goes with this. In the last few weeks, I knew he was suicidal. We talked about it a lot, and I tried to be supportive and talk him out of it. The problem was that his parents had basically given him permission to do so, because they'd seen him suffering for the previous 11 years (dating back to his first suicide attempt at around age 12).
I knew he was going to do it, I knew he had a gun, I didn't know when. It felt like every time we talked, it'd be the last. I'd get off the phone or AIM and just cry because I couldn't do anything. One morning he called me to tell me he hadn't done it the night before. He sounded better, I was happy to hear his voice. I found out later that he'd gotten together with his best friend that night and they had a great time. The next afternoon his father called me to tell me he'd killed himself. I was devastated. I even called the police in his town to make sure it wasn't some sick joke. I wish it had been.
It'll be 7 years in October. That was the motto of the website - "Seven years is a long time" - symbolizing the 7 years you're a teenager. It is a long time but some days it feels like yesterday.
While I know it wasn't my fault, and I couldn't have stopped him....sometimes I can't remember that. I'm not particularly spiritual, but sometimes if I get really down, not sure if I can pull myself out of it...I think about him watching me and holding me up. It's still painful and I'm still angry sometimes. I lost a really good friend (his ex-girlfriend) in the whole thing. I'll always remember him.
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Comment by Life Stuff
Anyway. There was a man on one of the main websites that a close friend of mine dated, and then hurt very badly in the end. I became very close to him (online, we never ended up meeting). There is a horribly long and drawn-out story that goes with this. In the last few weeks, I knew he was suicidal. We talked about it a lot, and I tried to be supportive and talk him out of it. The problem was that his parents had basically given him permission to do so, because they'd seen him suffering for the previous 11 years (dating back to his first suicide attempt at around age 12).
I knew he was going to do it, I knew he had a gun, I didn't know when. It felt like every time we talked, it'd be the last. I'd get off the phone or AIM and just cry because I couldn't do anything. One morning he called me to tell me he hadn't done it the night before. He sounded better, I was happy to hear his voice. I found out later that he'd gotten together with his best friend that night and they had a great time. The next afternoon his father called me to tell me he'd killed himself. I was devastated. I even called the police in his town to make sure it wasn't some sick joke. I wish it had been.
It'll be 7 years in October. That was the motto of the website - "Seven years is a long time" - symbolizing the 7 years you're a teenager. It is a long time but some days it feels like yesterday.
While I know it wasn't my fault, and I couldn't have stopped him....sometimes I can't remember that. I'm not particularly spiritual, but sometimes if I get really down, not sure if I can pull myself out of it...I think about him watching me and holding me up. It's still painful and I'm still angry sometimes. I lost a really good friend (his ex-girlfriend) in the whole thing. I'll always remember him.
Comment by Grace
Would you mind if I post your story along with your Orble URL on the post? You can remain anonymous if you like.
Comment by life-stuff
Life Stuff
It's fine for you to post the story and link. While there is sort of identifying information in my blog (cats' names - which people IRL could figure out it's me) no one knows about it. And I promise the grammar in my actual blog isn't that horrible, I don't really think about it in comments much.
Comment by Grace
Thanks. It's just that some people don't want to reveal themselves or their story for various reasons; I'd like to respect people's privacy.
Thanks again for sharing!
Comment by Anonymous
I was pretty tight with the girl in question, although we haven't talked for ages. I was still kind of shocked by the way it all went down, though.
Comment by Anonymous
You lost my friendship because you put distance between us far before Mikee shot himself. Also, I do acknowledge that I hurt Mikee but you must keep in mind that he was very mentally ill and what he felt might have happened between us may not have been what had happened in actuality.
Before I went to see Mikee that summer and before I met James Mikee had made it clear he wanted to stop having a relationship with me in an email but stated he still wanted me to visit as it was impersonal to break off a relationship online.
We were not together as a couple when I met James. Mikee seemed to regret this after James and I hit it off so well and started trying to cuddle up to me and such so he and I had a very serious conversation in his bedroom one night about where he and I stood as a couple and his comfort with me being with James. He agreed that he didn't want to be in a relationship as he had said to me before and said it was fine that James and I were enjoying one another so much.
I was young, niave, and selfish enough to believe him so when he saw James and I kissing and ran into his room slamming the door I was actually shocked by this reaction. The next day he asked both James and I to leave then stayed the entire week before our flight to California at his parents house. He was insistent that James and I stay at his apartment. Again, I was young and selfish enough to listen to him.
I was 15. He was 24.
At the time I thought this was fine, normal in fact. I thought I was brilliant and insightful and terribly, terribly mature for my age. Because ALL 15-year-olds believe this. Really I was none of those things and Mikee was old enough to realize this, depressed or not.
I miss Mikee all of the time. I think about him more often than I admit to anyone. When I said goodbye to him at the airport before going back home he wouldn't look at me. He kept looking off to his side. I tried to hug him but he was stiff and cold.
I knew I had hurt him; I thought that he hated me. I was too inexperienced with life to understand how I had hurt him, but I recognized the expression.
He didn't even say goodbye.
And that was the last time I spoke to him. Next I heard I got a phone call from you telling me he had shot himself.
And then it came out that you knew he had a gun and had done absolutely nothing about it.
That all of the core members; "the chosen ones", had known and been discussing what to do for weeks.
How about report to his local police station that a person whom had been recently hospitalized due to mental illness had a gun when it was illegal for him to? How about something immediate instead of twiddling your thumbs and trying to figure out the best option. Sometimes there is not a best option, only the option of doing whatever is necessary to prevent someone from hurting themselves. You guys never did that. This was such a horrendous lack of judgment that it cost someone their life, whether by their own hand or not. Standing by idly without action is just as bad as committing the act yourself.
You learn that in law school. Study up.
Be well.